A few home truths about how children and sibling rivalry.
Your child’s destructive behavior is not going to magically vanish on its own! In fact it is just going to get worse with time. Children do not grow out of this type of behavior (that is one of the reasons why drug abuse is so frequent in teenagers). If your child’s behavior is annoying right now, wait until they are older, it can get very destructive and dangerous.
Today we will examine Sibling Rivalry and discover some suggestions to help you handle this type of conduct.
If you have more than one child, chances are they fight with one another. Sibling rivalry is a normal part of any family. We have five children and there is a fair amount of competition for everything. For example, who has the most ice cream, who got the best Birthday present or party, and who gets the most hugs from the parents. I really don’t quite enjoy the last one unless they are all trying to get their cuddles at the same time which can be a struggle. There are some goods ways to manage this type of situation, and my favorite way of dealing with this is called Passive Parenting.
This is how Passive Parenting works.
Number one, make some ground rules for tattletale’s or dobbing as it has been labeled in our home. With our children, when they were young we told them to come tell a parent if someone is hurting you, if they are hurt themselves, or if someone is being harmful or damaging like breaking some one else’s property. If they tattletale or dob for something else, they get into trouble themselves.
Make a statement but do not get involved.
When your child comes to you and complains concerning something a sibling is doing, pay attention to them, and then say something like, “I bet you hate that.” “That’s not very fun.” “That really bites.” Make it a statement that you can use for any situation. The trick is not to offer strategies to fix it, just present your statement. If they recap the problem, repeat your answer. It will likely frustrate them initially, but they will learn to resolve their own problems. By presenting a remark you illustrate that you have acknowledged their trouble but made it clear that you are not going to react.
It is sometimes difficult not to “buy into” their disputes but for the dad and mom what does it really accomplish? Children can be worst enemies one minute and great friends the next. My advice is to keep your energy for the teen years, that is when you may need all of your resources. It takes an effort and practice but once you see how this works you will notice that the children will start managing their own troubles. Your family will be learning life lessons concerning how to manage conflict plus how to manage displeasing circumstances.
It works so give it a try.
This does not work for every situation, but it does work nearly all of the time. For other situations, have your children make a few rules that are likely to help them deal with other problems that come up. For my children, they had an issue of privacy of their bedrooms, and hated when brothers or sisters get into their belongings or went into their rooms uninvited. My resolution to this was to have the children talk about what is acceptable and what is not. They consequently have set a rule, they all agreed to, that you have to ask permission to go into a sibling’s bed room.
Sibling rivalry is something that never goes away, but if you educate your family to manage their own battles, you are making a more positive child and one that will get along better with other people in the long run. There are numerous suggestions and proved methods to manage all childhood behavioral problems. We all know that behaviors get worse when ignored and as parents it is our responsibility to coach the next generation to take over where we left off.
There are some other points that are essential.
This is good advice and has worked well for many families however, the above information is useless if you do not follow the two key points of parenting. These two points are crucial and any parent who does not know how to apply these points will be fighting an up hill battle. What are they?
First ask yourself these questions.
- What would bring peace and happiness in to your family?
- How would you feel if, by the finish of today, you could understand exactly how to stop your child’s whining, hitting and aggression as well as many of the other behavioral problems causing havoc in your family?
- Would that make life a lot easier for you?
There are many great solutions that work very well for many parents, do not ever give up hope, there is always and answer to your problem. When you have decided that it is time to take control of your parenting there is help, advice and helpful suggestions available.